Fun story time: I'm in a sorority. I've been in a sorority for four years and every year we throw a semi formal in the fall and a formal in the spring. These two events are the bane of my freaking existence. Not because the events themselves are bad. There's okay food and overpriced drink,. it's a standard event. But the culture surrounding the event makes me want to stab myself in the carotid artery.
Let's start from the beginning. At the beginning of every semi and formal season we make a set of slides. The slides are essentially: Here's a photo of me looking hot, here's my name, my age and a sexual pun. However, I don't have "hot girl" humour. I very much have boy humour. Self-deprecating, poop joke, I-just-farted humour. So making those slides is a pain, it's something so outside my comfort zone, and makes me so uncomfortable. And yes, you can get your panties in a twist that we make slideshows, but get off your high horse. I've been asked to semi based on the slides and so have so many people. It's a useful way to get your foot in the door in terms of introducing yourself. They're also usually super funny.
Okay, so after you make yourself a slide. You have to find a dress. I am 6ft tall, so ordering a dress online is a fucking nightmare. I have ordered many a dress only to try it on and realise you can see my butt hole. Not cute. Butt holes are not public property. Plus I'm super poor. I'm a university student. We're all super poor. And every year I say I'm going to re-wear an old dress but I get sucked into buying a new dress because everyone else is. Yes, this part is kind of my fault for getting sucked into peer pressure, but I'm complaining about it anyways.
So you've got your slide, and found your dress and you think the worst is over BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Dates. You have to find yourself a date. If you have a significant other, this is super easy. You shoot your boyfriend/girlfriend a message saying "semi is on this day, be ready" and you're set to go. But if you are chronically single - like myself - you have to go out and find yourself a date. Often I have taken my sister, but that kind of feels like taking your cousin to prom. And I could take a female friend, and I have, but it would be nice to have the option to take a boy. You know?
And sure, I could take a boy still, but boys suck and men are trash. The last time I took a boy he tried to sneak a mickey of vodka into the event and almost got us kicked out. Also, if you bring a boy you risk riding that weird line of "are we going to hook up?" and that grey area can be exhausting.
The event itself is fine. I love getting dressed up and looking fancy and taking pictures. But it's usually a mediocre night in which somebody drinks too much, somebody makes out with someone they weren't supposed to and all the usual drama that occurs when you put a bunch of 20-year-olds in a room. But you spend most of the day of semi getting ready and the next day you don't get a whole lot done cause you're generally hungover.
So you come out of the event stressed and even more broke than you were before, but for some reason I can't not go. I want to go to these events and I have fun and spend time with people I legitimately see three times a week anyways. And sure, this is a first world problem, and yes I'm complaining about nothing, but semi season is such a thorn in my side. So, my semi is rearing it's ugly head, my "semi diet" still has me looking like a pile of shitty mashed potatoes (pale and lumpy) and I have to pick my date by Monday. I'm real close to bringing a cardboard cut out of a celebrity and just getting to eat twice the amount of food.
Anyways, I hope your fall is going well and if you too have a semi formal, good luck.
From me, with love, to you,
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