Ladies and gentlemen,
This one is again about boys, relationships, etc. I apologise if you’re getting tired of it, but it’s kind of the only life experience I have and the only thing I’m qualified to talk about. I did, however, try to incorporate as much "sports" into this post as possible.
In my personal opinion, there are only a handful of ways to really go out and find a partner. We’ve discussed dating apps at great length on this website and if you haven’t read that it’s right here:
But I’m going to talk about the other two primary ways I have met boys. (You might be meeting girls, or idk sasquatches, your sexual orientation is really none of my business, as long as it’s not kids or dogs, you do you.) The short game and the long game.
The short game: This comes up most often at bars. You see someone, you make flirty eyes, you usually dance and you hook up with that person at the bar or you take them home with you. It’s not specific to bars, I guess you could do it in broad daylight…but often a certain amount of intoxication is required to get someone to make the play right at the buzzer.
The long game: You meet someone in your life (usually in a sober environment), such as through work, through class, through a friend, through some hobby you share like underwater basket weaving. And slowly your relationship with this individual becomes more and more intimate until, BAM! It’s intimate.
**Please note: the long game doesn’t mean the relationship is long, but it’s a long warm up before you actually get to play. Moreover, the short game doesn’t mean the relationship is short, the warm up is short.**
And like most things in life, you can’t be good at everything. Most people have one strong game, because they’re very different sporting events. Usain Bolt doesn’t also dominate at running marathons. Some people are above average at both, but you don’t often win gold in both the short game and the long game.
Which one do I play? Long game. Because a) I don’t trust strangers and b) I’m garbage at the short game. I’m six feet tall, I dance like I just learned to walk and I’m a consistent user of Irish exit at bars. I play a garbage short game. Plus, every time I attempt to play the short game I end up with some horrendous story, like the time I got propositioned with sex to write a song (that has to be a weird musical prostitution, right? Don't worry I didn't do it).
So, I play the long game. I’m not amazing at it. It’s worked a handful of time, and that’s kind of in the rule book though. You can only play the long game a handful of times in your lifetime because it’s long. Plus, you can’t hook up with all of your friends, it makes your life too complicated.
And along those lines, I know that playing the long game gives me less hook ups than my friends who play the short game. Statistically it has to, it takes more time for me to find someone to play the game with. Plus, it fucks up my life quite a bit every time I play and it’s pretty exhausting to set up. I used to get discouraged, “why do my friends always have more successful games than me? Why am I so unattractive?” and it’s not that I’m necessarily unattractive. I’m not Gal Gadot, but I’m not Gollum either. All in all, looks doesn't even really factor into this equation. Because if you look back and read that statement, it's not that they have more success, it's just that they have more more. Are you still following? It's not that I have any less success, it's that my success is more intermittent. I mean we should be looking at batting averages, not hits overall.
But here’s where the true skill takes place. Play the game you’re good at. I’ve learned to play the long game better over time because it’s really the only game I have. If you're a kick ass in the pool, don't try hurdles. That doesn’t mean I’ll never win a short game, I mean, the Toronto Maple Leaf’s still win a game every now and then. Sometimes at a bar I throw a hail Mary pass right at the wire and score, but all in all, it’s not my strong suit.
So, my beautiful treats. If you are unhappy with your current situation. Try switching up your game. You may be more successful. Just because all your friends find the love of their life one way, doesn't mean you have to. Plus, if you pick someone up with a way that’s more compatible with your personality, they're probably going to be a better fit. I'm no relationship guru, but it’s worth a shot.
From me, with love, to you,
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