So ladies and gents, here we are, the big 2-0. I know it's been a while since I've written here but now is just as good a time as any. As the sun sets on 19 I want to acknowledge the things I've learned, the things that have changed in this last year for better or worse.
I've learned that mental health is not static. I'm fairly open about my mental health struggles, because I hope that by sharing my story, it will make someone else feel that little bit more normal. While I still have bumps and patches, the last year has done wonders for me. I've grounded myself in Vancouver and found people I love to the moon and back out here. I've found parts of myself I haven't seen in years. . Parts of me that are intelligent and witty. Parts of me that are truly unapologetic about who I am.
I've learned that not everything is 9-1-1 status. That my high-strung-ed-ness is nice, but not always necessary. That all the energy I put into worrying about tiny things is wasted. And not that I don't still panic when I face a problem, but that it's okay to step back and realize that so many things in this world are non-issues.
I've reinforced the fact that I am, and forever will be, bad at sports.
I've gained confidence in who I am as a musician. I refer to myself as a musician. And not in a "maybe I will, might just, should be a back-up plan way" but in a real-world way. I'm an artist through and through. Even if just for myself, I'm a musician and I am so proud of myself for pursuing that.
I've learned that I don't need to look like everyone else. I'm 6ft and that alone will set me apart. But I've learned it's fun to wear blue eyeliner and 5 inch heels JUST CAUSE. I've learned that beauty is objective and if you are constantly poking and prodding yourself, you can always find a flaw. There's nothing wrong with wanting to better the way you look, but there's only so much you can do with what you're born with.
I've learned that not everyone you like will like you back. And yes, I should've learned this about 20 years ago, but it's a lesson I relearn everyday. You can do everything right, you can be pretty kick ass, but you can't force someone to like you when they just don't. And it's not a you thing, it's not even a them thing. It's chemistry. In the immortalised words of my fellow (fictional) Canadian, Robin Scherbatsky "If you have chemistry you only need one other thing. Timing.". (P.S. yes I did rewatch How I Met Your Mother, yes it holds up)
So, here's to 19. The year I performed my first live show. The year I built a wall at my cottage. The year I learned what time management really means. The year I started my website. The year I saw myself as a musician, and a damn good one at that.
Thank you for reading my terribly sappy post. For my long post. And for waiting around while I got my ducks in a row. And if nobody else reads this that's fine, at least I have something to look back on and ground me in the next 365 days of insanity.
So 20, bring it on.
From me, with love, to you,
What's going on?
Here's a place where I'll try to keep you updated on what's going on in my life and with my music to keep you connected.