So, like I’ve been saying on social media I wrote this song forever ago. But as I’ve been doing with all my songs, we’re going to break down what got me to write it.
Rainy days and Thursdays are meant for your room
When you break up with someone, it is wildly overwhelming. I wrote this song a month or two after my first break up. But it wasn’t the first song I wrote about that break-up. I wrote probably a dozen songs about the same situation; about our relationship, about how I felt wronged, about how I was heart broken. But every song seemed empty, and none of them made me feel any better. They were just fractions of how I was feeling, and they left so much unsaid.
I wanted to write the song. I wanted to write everything down, get everything out and walk away.
Now we both know, that I loved you more
There were a couple goals I had when I was writing this song. I wanted to tell everything, from beginning to end. I didn’t want to feel the need to write anymore. I was so tired about writing sad love songs. I was beginning to feel like Taylor Swift. And I didn’t want it to be angry. Because our relationship wasn’t angry (our breakup was a little fiery though). I wanted a song about the relationship. In hindsight, I think I was trying to explain to myself why I was so upset. Why had I let him hurt me? Why did it matter so much? He kind of had to, at the time I loved him and that was going to shape me.
The song also preserved all my memories. I think there are parts of our relationship I would have forgotten if hadn’t written this song. I think I would’ve forgotten the naps on my couch that made me feel safe and the endless card games (even when I was too tired to play so he would play with my little sister). I was so blinded by how mad I was about the breakup, I wanted to remember that it was actually an amazing relationship.
All of my life contains pieces of you
The memories I have turn me black, turn me blue
I sat on this song for so long because it’s really personal. Both emotionally and literally. I didn’t know if people would be able to relate to it. But I started playing it at shows and I think as much as people weren’t relating to “strawberry kisses” and “betting on the world” they were relating to this idea of having to untangle your life after a breakup. And I was.
I wanted a song that embodied the feeling of loss. All my memories from those 2 years related back to this one person who was such a centralised point in my life. And that’s what I’m happy people are relating to. The idea that memories that once brought you joy can become painful. That feeling of needing to move on even when it seems impossible. I’m sharing this song not as a hail Mary pass at my ex but as a hope that some broken-hearted person will listen to it and go “yup. That’s how I feel.”
When I start to slip, I still count to ten
To say the least, my ex and I are on bad terms. But this song reminds me that when we were together, it was pretty great. Was it perfect? That’s a dumb question, if it was perfect, he wouldn’t be my “ex”. I took a lot out of the relationship and I think that at the end of the day that’s all you can ask for. You can only ask to grow from your situations. Nothing more, nothing less.
I love this song because it did exactly what I wanted. I wasn’t a-okay after the breakup for a really long time. But this helped get me there. This was the last song I wrote about him. I got it all down. I’ve thought a ton about writing about the breakup. Writing the nitty-gritty. But I think that anger is something I’m going to keep to myself.
I can’t write more songs for the boy, who won’t love me too
The video of "The Boy" is up on YouTube now! Please go watch it and I appreciate all your feedback! Thank you guys! Keep safe!
From me, with love, to you,
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