Another Year

So ladies and gents, here we are, the big 2-0. I know it's been a while since I've written here but now is just as good a time as any. As the sun sets on 19 I want to acknowledge the things I've learned, the things that have changed in this last year for better or worse. 
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I've learned that mental health is not static. I'm fairly open about my mental health struggles, because I hope that by sharing my story, it will make someone else feel that little bit more normal. While I still have bumps and patches, the last year has done wonders for me. I've grounded myself in Vancouver and found people I love to the moon and back out here. I've found parts of myself I haven't seen in years. . Parts of me that are intelligent and witty. Parts of me that are truly unapologetic about who I am. ​

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I've learned that not everything is 9-1-1 status. That my high-strung-ed-ness is normal, but not always necessary. That all the energy I put into worrying about tiny things is wasted. And that its important to step back and realize that so many things in this world are non-issues. 

I've gained confidence in who I am as a musician. I refer to myself as a musician. And not in a "maybe I will, might just, should be a back-up plan" kind of way, but in a real-world way. I'm an artist through and through. Even if its just for myself, I'm a musician and I am so proud of myself for pursuing that. 
I've learned that I don't need to look like everyone else. I'm 6ft and that alone will set me apart. But I've learned it's fun to wear blue eyeliner and 5 inch heels JUST CAUSE. I've learned that beauty is objective and if you are constantly poking and prodding yourself, you can always find a flaw. There's nothing wrong with wanting to better the way you look, but being unique and confident is beautiful in itself. 

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I've learned that not everyone you like will like you back. And yes, I should've learned this before the 20 year mark, but it's a lesson I relearn everyday. You can do everything right, you can be pretty kick ass, but you can't force someone to like you when they just don't. And it's not a you thing, it's not even a them thing. It's chemistry. In the immortalized words of my fellow (fictional) Canadian, Robin Scherbatsky "If you have chemistry you only need one other thing. Timing.". (P.S. yes I did rewatch How I Met Your Mother, yes it holds up) 

So, here's to 19. The year I performed my first live show. The year I learned what time management really means. The year I started my website. The year I saw myself as a musician, and a damn good one at that.  

Thank you for reading my terribly sappy post. And for waiting around while I got my ducks in a row. And if nobody else reads this that's fine, at least I have something to look back on and ground me in the next 365 days of insanity. 
So 20, bring it on. ​

From me, with love, to you, 
​-Victoria

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