Men Are Trash
Ladies and Gentlemen, let's just get to the point. Men are trash. Boys are garbage. We should all just quit.
I spend a lot of time thinking about my relationships, and for a couple reasons. Numero uno: I have a nasty rumination problem. Ever since I was little, my mom has been trying to drill into my head "don't perseverate" but I do and it sucks. I think about things until I've twisted my brain into knots and all I can think about is "could I have done it better" and "what if I just did something different". My train of thought is a series of "what ifs".
Numero dos: writing music means that I'm constantly thinking about my relationships. I'm trying to work them into songs which I write and rewrite and take apart and put back together. I think about the details of my relationships, my crushes, my flings and try to see what is song- worthy and what is just a detail that I keep for myself (I have a public diary, I keep very few things to myself).
But that also means I've thought a lot about the boys (the word "men" is not really applicable) that have appeared in my life. And more often than not boys make me feel like a bag of garbage. And after pondering why, I have formally broken down the stance "men are trash" into a three-pronged argument (because three seemed concise).
#1: They say hurtful things.
Yes, I understand that girls can say way more hurtful things than guys, there have definitely been times I wish I could take back things I've said. However, men too, being so intelligent, can say things that hurt. An example? Picture this: 2nd year me is flirting with this boy at a party when my older sister (yes, we party together), comes up and says "hi". Promptly after she leaves he looks at me and goes "you know, compared to your sister, you're really doughy". And am I still dwelling on this? Uh-huh. Should I let it go? Probably. Will I? Nope.
And no I didn't go home and cry into my pillow and write in my diary, but it still chipped at me a little bit and it SUCKED. I understand he probably didn't mean it in a mean way, my sister and I have different body types, primarily because she works out and I eat oreo cookies for breakfast. I know this all to be a fact, however it still is a bit of a slap in the face to be called "doughy". Men are trash.
#2: They always assume you want more.
Okay, so a little disclaimer: I can come across as a lot sometimes (don't but we all). I don't do the whole "texting etiquette" thing, and I air on the side of high maintenance. These qualities mean that I can come across as a touch abrasive. I know these things, I'm working on them, but these innate parts of my personality will always been sewn into some of my actions.
If I text my girlfriends everyday, they don't care. They know that I'm an idiot, and need that kind of attention. HOWEVER, when I text a guy, let's say, every couple days, they assume I'm in it for something more. Or if I make out with someone at a party and then text them a week later they assume I'm looking for a deeper commitment. I spend 99.999% of my time moving back and forth between Toronto and Vancouver, I'm in school, I work, plus I have to run this whole website/music thing. I can barely see my friends and pass all my classes at the same time. Where in the Lord's name would I fit a boy into this equation? News flash. Girls are allowed to want casual relationships as well.
I have had multiple boys assume I'm looking to settle down with them because they've decided to read into signals that aren't there. But unless I've explicitly said "I want a relationship with you" you're probably not the one I've got my eye on. Remember, I'm really blunt. And yes, at some point I do want a relationship, I want "the dream". Husband, kiddos, house with the picket fence. But do I want that with Chad from Sigma Apple Pi? No. He still thinks it's okay to put "can shotgun a beer in 3 seconds" on his resume. Men are trash.
#3: They CANNOT (I repeat CANNOT) keep their mouths shut.
I have made a habit of sharing too much, I publish my life on the internet. So that means the information that I do keep to myself I value very highly. It all started after I broke up with my ex. I went on a date with this guy in a fraternity and, being in a sorority, he and I had a lot of mutual friends. The date was really meh, not a lot to write home about, but it was my first date with someone not-my-ex so it was kind of a big deal. The next day, everyone and their cousin knew about this date and it was exhausting. If I did not explicitly tell you something, I probably (definitely) don't want you to know.
So, when I...get intimate...with boys, in any capacity, I always ask them not to tell anyone. Not because I'm embarrassed, but because I don't need everyone knowing everything about my life. Yet, for some reason boys feel the need to gossip like the cover of a TigerBeat magazine. It's nobody's business but my own and the boy's, yet they treat it like everyone should know. I mean I get it, I'm a damn treat, it's hard to keep such things to yourself, but please do so.
Plus, these boys always think I'm never going to find out that they told everyone. I'm not deaf, and if you couldn't keep it to yourself, why do you expect anyone else to? Like I said, men are trash.
So, that's why I can't deal with the Y-chromosome right now. Essentially, they can't do anything right. However, my sexual orientation dial is set very much to "men" and I'm stuck liking idiots who still classify booty-calls as dates. So there is no life lesson to this, no special piece of wisdom I can share with you because I'm still figuring all this out. So good luck ladies, and happy hunting.
From me, with love, to you,
What's going on?
Here's a place where I'll try to keep you updated on what's going on in my life and with my music to keep you connected.