Okay, I’ve been on Tik Tok a lot lately (follow @VictoriaStaff21) and there are an ungodly number of posts that talk about the “hottest things that boys do” or the “hottest things that girls do”. Obviously, a lot of these videos are about (teehee) sex things; actions, behaviours, things people say that are “turn ons”. However, there is a second category of these videos that surrounds behaviours, personality traits and characteristics.
A lot of this second category talks about traits that could fall under “maturity and human decency”. The creators on Tik Tok are just looking for a good communicator who will be honest and give you a hand when you need it. I must agree, all these traits are super important. Communication, honesty, and support are definitely huge pillars in a relationship. Although, I would like to propose a new “hottest trait” that puts all other “hot traits” to shame.
Taking care of yourself.
Now, before we get into the nitty gritty, let’s define this term. I’m not talking about someone who makes 6-figures, has a huge house, is in ridiculously good shape and drinks green juice daily. I don’t need, nor do I want, the pinnacle of perfection, because those people don’t actually exist. Nobody is perfect, and people who think that they are generally aren’t. The person I’m talking about understands how to make a budget and stick to it. They have open and honest conversations about their mental health. They eat balanced meals and are active. This person is not perfect, but they're working on it.
So, why is this so attractive? Why have I claimed it “the most attractive”? Because it tells you so much about a person. Can they stick to a budget? That shows self-restraint. Can they support their own mental health? That shows maturity. Do they have successful social relationships? That shows good communication.
Do I want a lot of attention in a relationship? Fuck yeah, I’m super high maintenance. But I also want someone who can acknowledge when they need some personal time, because sometimes I need that too. Stepping back from socializing and just unwinding is important. I want to be with someone who appreciates a night in after a long work week. Someone who takes time for them is someone I really respect, because it’s not always easy to admit you need time alone.
Someone who understands that a healthy doesn’t always mean drawing harsh lines in the sand about what to eat or what not to eat. I’m not talking about “my body is a temple” and “I can’t eat fast food people” but I’m just talking about people who keep health in their mind when they make decisions. People who want to stretch their legs and walk places.
I know I’ve already said this but: someone who can talk about their mental health. Fucking, HOT. Wanting to be proactive about stress? Super attractive. Understanding the differences between normal and abnormal anxiety levels? I will propose. Creating positive coping mechanisms? I will have your children.
All these traits are so attractive because it shows that person is ready for a relationship. Relationships are hard and complicated and require effort. How can someone be asked to manage a relationship when they don’t have a hold on their own life? How can someone be asked to support me when they can’t support themselves? Don’t be mistaken, nobody needs to take care of me. I can take care of myself. But I want support in a relationship. I want a sounding board to bounce ideas off, and someone to help me clear my head. However, its unfair to ask that of someone who can’t do that for themselves.
Plus, and this cannot be overstated, your significant other is not your babysitter. I have been in relationships where I have been the babysitter, and I have been in relationships where I have been babysat. I will be the first person to admit that I have asked other people to take care of me, which is not fair to them. But I feel like I’ve grown a lot and I don’t want someone to hold my hand when I cross the street or wipe my nose. I want someone to be my cheerleader and help me make the big decisions. I’m an adult and I want an adult relationship, one that is built on support not dependency.
Finally, taking care of yourself is not a something you achieve and have forever. You have to constantly work at it. (IT’S AN ESCALATOR) You need to be in it for the long haul. And what does that show? Commitment! Someone who can commit to a job, to a plan, to a budget, to social relationships, is more likely to commit to you.
Friends, you know I’m right. Someone who can take care of themselves is hot. It’s refreshing to see someone who is open and honest and working on themselves. Someone who wants to learn things and grow and mature. All super attractive traits. Traits I’m trying really hard to take on personally. And it can be difficult to go for runs, but I know it’s good for my mental health. It can be difficult not to order McDonalds, but I don’t want to have a heart attack. It can be difficult to pass up on plans for a much-needed nap, but it’ll be worth it.
Ladies, gentlemen and all in between. Selfcare is fucking attractive. So hit the spa, call your therapist, and balance your books.
From me, with love, to you,